Cheap Nation Falling Apart

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WASHINGTON—In the wake of a series of incidents that called the country’s infrastructure quality into question, multiple sources reportedly confirmed on Monday that the cheap nation is falling apart. “Pretty much everything in this country is coming apart at the seams,” said Tempe, AZ security guard Sean McGovney, noting that no one should have really expected a nation of such shoddy construction to last as long as one built with care. “You just worry that the whole thing is going to collapse at any time, and it’s no wonder, given the flimsiness of the scaffolding. Anyone who’s built a nation before will tell you that if you’re going to take shortcuts up front, you’re going to pay for them down the road. Plus, the whole thing’s filled with toxic chemicals. You can see where they tried to patch up some of the flaws, too, but it’s such shoddy workmanship that it actually ends up bringing more attention to it. Honestly, I think there’s something wrong with the foundation. You might as well just tear it down and start over.” Multiple sources also expressed concerns that not taking a proactive route to fix the cheaply built nation could end up with someone getting really hurt.