CPAC To Feature Exhibit Where Visitors Can Toss Raw Chicken To Rudy Giuliani

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WASHINGTON—Advertising the event as a chance to interact personally with a conservative icon, organizers confirmed Thursday that the 2023 Conservative Political Action Conference would feature a new exhibit where visitors could purchase and toss pieces of raw chicken to Rudy Giuliani. “This year, for $5 a pop, attendees will be treated to an up-close encounter with the former mayor of New York and given a thrilling opportunity to feed him a handful of his favorite food—raw chicken,” CPAC spokesperson Nancy Garner said as she stood outside a 9-by-12-foot enclosure that contained a warming lamp, a sunning rock, a water feature, artificial plants, and the disgraced onetime U.S. attorney for the Southern District of New York. “Can you see him? Those are his heavy-lidded, bloodshot eyes peeking out from under that rock. He may look harmless now, but don’t be fooled. He’s still feral. Be sure to step back as soon as you release the chicken, because he’s going to leap forward and grab it with a big jowly chomp before it even hits the ground. And if you think that’s neat, watch what happens when you throw a few airplane bottles of blended scotch into the cage! Video is allowed, but please refrain from flash photography, as he is quite old and easily disoriented. That’s how Kelly Anne Conway was bitten earlier.” At press time, CPAC was reportedly on lockdown after Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-FL) left the door open while attempting to get a selfie inside the Giuliani tank.